Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Final Day

Day 7 Pictures Here
Family Portrait

We tried. We had the matching outfits, jeans with white shirts, the kids were clean(ish), the camera was ready...and we couldn't pull it off. 20-some pictures later, and we had nada. They were blurry, someone's eyes were closed, looking away, pulling hair, falling down, bonking heads, mid sentence mouths, droopy eyes, you name it...we had it in every picture. The funny thing is that Jen and I were the worst, constantly looking at a kid, making a face, or talking. Oh well...our perfect picture is imperfect (a metaphor for life?). I do have to say that we did capture 'us'. Maybe it isn't the one that you would find in a doctor's office, but it is the one you may find in our house some day. We are relieved to admit that we don't have it all together, and ready to accept life's curveballs. Like leaving your kids in Haiti.

I did it to you, brought you down with us. We're heading home tomorrow and it's tough. A bond is formed, then broken, all in one short week. It's been broken before, and repaired instantly when we returned, but we can't help but worry about what it does to a 2 year old psychy. We tell ourselves that their brains won't remember it when they are 20, but we still don't like it. We can go nuts lamenting the arduous, ambiguous, ridiculous process that is adoption, but it won't do us any good. We can move to Haiti, leave the secure for the unknown. Or we can go home, love them from afar, return as soon as we can afford it and get time off, and do it all over again. These seem to be our options. Is it better to stay away until paperwork is done and then meet them and take them home at the same time? I don't think so, but it would be less painful. Hurting for love feels good though, it's not heartbreak, just heartache. Time passes quickly in hindsight, but slow in uncertain foresight. We've heard stories of some adoptions taking 2 or 3 years, stories of old laws being enforced more strictly, and as of recently we have not heard much encouraging news that they are showing any interest in making it any faster...perhaps it is even becoming slower.

Regardless, tomorrow we return, already looking forward to our next visit. Thanks for journeying with us. We look forward to seeing you all soon.


grandma said...

That picture is the most precious thing I have ever seen. It is so full of fun and happiness, I would not want one of those boring pictures with all the fake smiles and poses. It tells the crazy life full of laughter .even at unhappy moments. you all share...we all should be so lucky to have the love that is so clear to me when I look at your "BEAUTIFUL FAMILY PORTRAIT" MISS AND LOVE YOU ALL...CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET HOME! MOM

Anonymous said...

It's a beautiful picture and I wouldn't change it for anything! You also wrote beautifully about what we're all (who are with you thanks to this blog)feeling about your journey. Keep on keeping'll all work out! We love you all! Grammy & Grammy

Sweet Blessings said...

praying for you-always. amanda

Kristen said...

You've articulated how we often feel about the process, too. It's hard, and visits are bittersweet. These pictures of your complete family are beautiful.