It doesn't make sense!?!?!

Just the other day we were asked to give a "placement date" for a grant application. So, I did what I had been avoiding and asked. I was told roughly "14 months" from now...could be more, could be less. Why does it take so darn long for our paperwork to be processed? I know, I know... there are all the logical reasons like.. hey, you did decide to adopt from Haiti. What did you expect!? Or The government has enough on their hands, they did just get hit by 4 hurricanes...your kid's paperwork is low on the priority list. Or hey, you knew full well that this was a 12-18 months process and they are trying to avoid the kids falling into the wrong hands. I know all the "reasons" why it is taking so long but why can't the government see that if they would actually process some of the paperwork and get these kids to their homes that they will be making room for the hundreds of kids that were orphaned by these hurricanes. That's perfectly logical to me! Even if I admited the reason for the long drawn out procees are logical...it dosen't make waiting any easier. It just doesn't make sense!!! Why so long?!?!

But then I think...during this period of waiting God has shown Himself to me in ways I'd never have known Him. Like the fact that we stepped out in faith to adopt two beautiful boys that we have never met without knowing fully how we could afford it. I learned to trust God like never before. And then when the donations and fundraisers started and our church raised nearly $12,000 in two months! I knew Him as Provider. And yet it doesn't make sense... why so much Lord?! I don't deserve it!! And then when some individuals in our church decided to and are fasting until the boys come home...Why Lord?!?! It doesn't make sense! Why would so many give up their comforts to come before you and humble themselves in agreeance with our prayers. It doesn't make sense! I don't deserve it!

And so, it may not make sense...or at least from my perspective. But in the end I don't deserve the goodness, blessings, and mercy the Lord has lavished on me nor do I "deserve" the painful and agonizing wait for my boys to come home. But in both, God is and has been good to me beyond my wildest expectations. So, with peace and boldness I beg you Lord, please bring my boys home...but not my will...but yours always!

J